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Pastiche Family Portal HomeOh No, the Sex Talk

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Talking to your kids about sex isn抰 the easiest thing in the world。 But if we抎 like our kids to share our values and beliefs about sex, we need to do our job。 Here are some ways to move ahead with this difficult issue。

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三亚赌博送彩金I was ten years old, and I was scared。 My older brother had just informed me that my dad would be giving me the 搒ex talk。?Apparently, he had just gotten his talk earlier in the evening, and my dad was 搈aking the rounds。?

I sat and tried to digest this。 Our family had never talked about sex。 It wasn抰 on our radar, along with a number of other topics。 In fact, my father didn抰 talk to us much about anything those days, let alone about sex。 And now he was going to talk to me one-on-one about sex?

I thought of my options, including feigning illness。 It all seemed surreal to me。

Later that night, just when I thought I was home free, I heard his footsteps on the stairs。 My body tensed。 My thoughts were at warp speed, but I felt sluggish and dull。 As he approached the door of my room, I struck a submissive pose。

He sat down across from me, and he seemed almost as tense as I felt。 I thought I might explode at any second。 揑 thought I抎 just talk to you about some things,?he said。 He paused, and then he said, 揇id you know, for instance, that you don抰 really have a bone in your penis when it gets hard? It抯 really just blood。?

What I had just heard was too much to digest. I thought I was moving my head up and down for 搚es,?but I was so uncomfortable, I wasn抰 sure. I hoped he wouldn抰 ask me a question, because I didn抰 think I抎 be able to talk. Had I been given the choice between prolonging this talk for an hour, or being ripped apart by wild dogs, I may have chosen the latter.

At least I would have been aware of my fate.

My father noticed my struggling, and he became even more uncomfortable. After some hesitation, he said, 揑f you have any other questions about anything like this, just ask me.?I nodded, and he left the room.

I sat there on my bed, motionless。 I didn抰 quite know what to do。 Who should I tell? At the very least, my brothers needed to hear about it。 Or perhaps I could just treat this episode like a bad dream, knowing it would soon go away。

My father was a man of science. He was a renowned cardiologist, at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the world. But when it came to talking with his son about sex and the human body, he could muster only two sentences.

But, then again, I did learn it wasn抰 a bone。

If you抎 like to do your job as a father, you抣l need to step up and 揾ave the talk?with your kids about sex。 Better yet, you抣l have many talks over the years。 Too many parents put off talking about sexuality until the teen years begin, and then feel as though they need to have 搕he talk。?But sexuality is a big part of your kids?lives every day, so start the conversation early on in their life。

Here are some ideas to consider when talking to your kids about sexuality:

  • Make sure you抮e calm and matter-of- fact when you relay the information. Any discomfort you show will immediately have your child feeling uncomfortable too. The calmer you are, the more they抣l remember. When you抮e sure of yourself when you talk about sex, it allows them to feel more secure about it, too.
  • Educate yourself about sex Adults don抰 like to admit they don抰 know much about sex, but this is often the case. And if you抮e not confident with your knowledge about any topic, you抮e less likely to share that knowledge with others. Sexuality is no different. So get yourself a good book on the topic, and educate yourself.
  • Distinguish between facts and what your beliefs are There will be times when facts might clash with what your beliefs are, or what your faith believes. Be clear with your kids on this. Define exactly how these differ, and tell them that different people will believe different things about sexuality and faith. Let them know this disagreement is fine, especially if the beliefs are based on nonviolence, justice, and equality.
  • Walk the talk with your kids Live the values you抳e talked to your kids about. It抯 confusing for kids to hear one thing, and to see something else in your behavior. Sexuality is all around us today, so be clear with your values, and stick to them. The best way for your kids to be interested in a loving, long-term relationship is to show them.
  • Encourage them to talk to you about difficult topics Establish an environment of openness and non-judgment when you talk about any difficult subject. Let your kids know they抮e doing a wonderful thing by asking questions, and wanting more information. If your kids haven抰 felt comfortable talking with you about difficult things before, they won抰 start by asking you about sexuality!
  • Keep it light, and keep your sense of humor The lighter you can keep this topic, the easier it will be for everyone. Sexuality is a gift, and it can be a source of great joy. Let your kids know that while there are some very serious issues around sexuality, there抯 also room for joy and humor.

三亚赌博送彩金Sex is the force that drives our existence on earth. It is filled with mystery, joy and danger. And once you抳e experienced the wonder of sex with someone you love, you will be changed forever. But while sex holds the promise of great beauty, it also holds very adult-like consequences, which are difficult for our kids to comprehend.

Fathers can help their kids avoid these consequences by being there to inform and educate their kids, and to begin early in their life。 They can help by staying emotionally attached to their kids, even when their kids 損ull away?during the teenage years。 And they can help by preparing to help their kids navigate through the teen years, which will offer countless challenges, including sexuality。

And if you do your job well, your children may one day be able to enjoy this gift as well。

About the Author: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches fathers by phone to balance their life and improve family relationships—now! He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents (www.acpi.biz) and author of “Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” Ecourse http://www.markbrandenburg.com/25_secrets.htm

 

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